December 2011
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Sister edits my essay
Sister: You have to explain a similarity if you mention similarities and differences.
Me: WHY? I don’t want to mention similarities. Similarities are boring!
Sister: But…
Me: WE BOTH HAVE TWO EYES! BORING.
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If it doesn't snow by Christmas, I'll need this:
And a one way ticket to Iceland (/Norway/Svalbard/Siberia)
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The only thing that could thoroughly clean my parent’s house is a flamethrower.
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I was so slap happy today I kept mis-saying...
Instead of saying that two people were married I actually said that they were, “Man and wife.”
What is wrong with the speech center of my brain today?
* On a side note never say, “They had free condoms,” and then proceed to lick all of your fingers. Stops the conversation pretty fast.
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The Milk Thief
I’ve started marking the level of milk on my milk carton because I knew one of my roommates was drinking it. Theory proven. I walked into the kitchen last night and the one who I know has been stealing it says to me, “So I used some of your milk, but I figured it was okay because I gave you some of my milk once….”
WTF? Don’t help yourself to MY milk. (ps. and that...
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